Born at a young age. The news was immediately leaked to the press. At the age of four months I uttered my first word, “ophthalmology”. After this I remained silent for about ten years. Up to this day I only speak on important occasions requiring phrases like: “when do we eat? Or “it’s my money!” Very early on a showed a certain gift for drawing. And for this reason, I was taken on by a famous bakery as a grissini designer. This marked the start of a very fruitful period for me. I studied for hours the golden crusts of the Lombardy bread roll, sketched loaves of rye and at night perfected the axonometry of the chick pea farinata. I had already achieved great success when one Christmas, overwhelmed by ambition I sculpted a panettone in the shape of a pyramid. I was fired. In order to survive I began to secretly sell sketches of altar breads produced in the post reconciliatory period. In search of a more exciting market I went one morning to a seminar – to escape six years later through a window. Invited to a masked ball I wore an old military uniform. At the ball a lady presented herself to me, she wore an eighteenth-century costume, provocatively shaped, long blonde ringlets and an impenetrable lace covering her face. It was Beltramo who was obliged to dress this way due to heavy debts thanks to a weakness for gambling. We danced all night. At dawn we decided to work together. I hide my face due to certain misunderstandings with the authorities, a spot the size of a small apartment and because I’m being hunted by a group of nurses who want to take me back to the old peoples’ home.

I came into life suddenly. Nobody warned me so I turned up empty handed. Being born is always an interesting experience, especially for the first time. By the age of five I’d already read “Les Misérables” in a reduced five-page version without consonants. To be honest I didn’t fully understand the plot. I had a go at ventriloquism, but I soon realized that it was a dead-end business. Following this and with enormous effort, I converted the telephone directory into verse, but couldn’t find an editor. Embittered I closed myself away and hung out a ”do not disturb” sign. When the crisis had passed, I joined an experimental research group. We spent years debating the works of Kafka and his insistence of spelling horizontal with three “r”s. This experience taught me to eliminate the superfluous from my writings; I picked up my old 570 page novel and after months of work I got three pages of punctuation. After this I decided to escape to Austria with a Hegelian girl who whispered “semantics” to me at a proof-reading party. I was arrested at the border as I tried to pass without declaring my cultural baggage. One day as I was walking in the countryside, I met a shepherd, floppy hat, roman sandals and a whistle: it was Lana! He drew circles with chalk on a stone. He claimed that with these gimmicks a guy had struck gold!!I told him that it seemed like a stupid idea. He laughed and broke my nose with a flourish. This is how our collaboration began. I have to hide my face due to misunderstandings with the authorities, some untamable ear hairs and because I also am a wanted man. I share the same room with Lana at the shelter for the elderly.

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